Living the life of a State Patrolman can’t be easy. You get up in the morning, put on
your uniform and your badge, eat your breakfast, drink a pot of coffee, then head out for
your day not knowing what you are going to encounter, or if you will make it back home
alive that night.
Can you imagine pulling a car over and as you walk up it, you have no idea who could
be in there? He could be a convict, or a wannabe gangster who has a loaded gun and is
ready to shoot. One wrong moment and BANG! there is blood everywhere and you are
not going to have a nice day. Other times you might only have someone cuss at you, or
spit in your face. In other instances, I’m sure you hear all kind of excuses and lies to get
out of a ticket.
Now, on a good day, the cop is working the highway inconspicuously behind a sign, or
hiding amongst some trees, with his radar gun loaded for speeders. He is just about to
nod off when WHOOSH! a red sports car goes flying by. His gun lights up and sets off an
alarm. He shakes out the cobwebs, turns on his red lights, and siren, and punches his
accelerator in pursuit. After a short chase the car pulls over and he sashays up to the
vehicle. As he is about to explain why he pulled the red streamer over he looks inside
and there sits a beautiful blonde babe. While she was moving to the side of the road, she
unbuttoned the three top buttons on her blouse. He looks in and sees the valley of
Hooterville.
She gives him that pretty smile and says, “Is there something wrong officer.”
At first he is speechless; then his tongue softens up enough to say, “You were going a
little fast. Are you in some kind of a hurry?
She pushes her chest up and out so the officer can get a better view and responds, “No,
I just have a hard time reading all these thingies on my dashboard.”
He leans inside the window to see what she is talking about and is close enough to
brush the exposed wonders, and he thinks to himself Twenty-five miles over the speed
limit isn’t so bad. He retreats and says, “I’m only going to give you a warning this time.
You need to slow down a little bit and have a nice day.”
She smiles and drives away thinking, It worked… again. Thank God I was blessed.
I’ve had a couple of encounters with the State Patrol. One time I got a stern lesson on
the proper etiquette for closing the passenger door of a patrol car. If you’re interested in
the details, it’s in my book GO FIGURE: My Wacky Journey from Outlaw to Leading
Citizen. Please go to rickcarlegofigure.com.
And “HEY…HEY,” as Sgt. Phil Esterhaus used to say on Hill Street Blues, “Let’s be
careful out there!”