I want to share a few of the many funny stories from my book “Go Figure”  My Wacky Journey From Outlaw to Leading Citizen.

1. My brothers were forever on the look out for ingenious ways to get even with me.  They knew I love 7-up pop.  One day they took grease from a frying pan, mixed it with cold water, and put the mixture in an empty 7-up bottle.  They were dark green in those days which camouflaged the brown grease.  My loving brothers pretended to pop the cap, then handed it to me to drink.  I should have known something was up since they rarely did anything nice for me.  Instead, I trusted them and took a big swallow.  Seconds later, my face matched the color of the 7-up bottle.  I was ralphing a steady stream of vomit for the rest of the day, while they enjoyed a good laugh.
2. Every time we went on vacation, Mom had to add to her rock collection whether we were in Minnesota, Colorado, or South Dakota, for her it was full-on rock hunting expedition.  When Mom would find a stone that was “just right”–and just right for what I couldn’t begin to tell you–no matter how big or small it was, she’d yell at one of her boys to come and get it and put it in the trunk of the car so she could keep looking without losing her place along whatever hillside she was scouring.  I am not kidding, by the time we were headed back home the rear bumper of the car was dragging on the highway shooting sparks.  It had to be a hilarious sight to see.  Cars would pass us and point at the back of our car like we didn’t know about the light show we were creating.
3. Never considered “starter” material during football practice I was placed on the “practice squad”.  This meant my assignment was to hold a dummy so the first string three-hundred pound lineman could practice their blocking by running full speed and hitting the dummy.  I began to feel that there was a dummy holding a dummy.  After scrimmage was over, I’d find myself buried in the ground while still holding on to it, and a three hundred pound lineman on top of me.  Lucky him:  he would get two dummies with one shot.
4. While working in the meat department, Cliff and I would play a game called “Who Am I?”  We’d do an imitation of one of our customers, and then the other had to guess who it was.  It would pass the time while we were cutting the meat off the bones to make hamburger or cut up chickens and packaged them.  Out of the corner of his eye, Cliff would spot a customer headed our way and quickly do an imitation of her speech inflection or odd mannerisms.  When the lady walked up to place her meat order, I’d make the connection and burst out laughing–right in the lady’s face.  Man, did Cliff have a warped mind.
5. When I think of my friend Cary, a funny story always comes to mind.  I went over to his house to hang out one day and when I knocked on the door, his mom, who was a large woman, opened it and informed me, “Cary has to stay in his room because he’s not feeling well.”    “I just have to tell him something.  Is it okay if I go to his room for just a minute?”    “Okay,” she said, “but I want to warn you about his sore throat.”   I am sure Cary was hoping he wouldn’t have any company that day.  I opened his door and there sat Cary on his bed with one of his mom’s extra large Kotex, laced with Vicks Vapor Rub, wrapped around his throat.  I laughed so hard then, and even now, as I can still see the mental picture.  I have never let him forget that day because that is what friend are for.
6.  If you want to read more of these funny stories, you can check out and buy my book “Go Figure” My Wacky Journey From Outlaw to Leading Citizen at Amazon.com or you can go to my website: rickcarlegofigure.com